It’s not you, it’s me.
Alison, I know this world is killing you
Oh, Alison, my aim is true
- Elvis Costello, 1977
I couldn’t believe it when I woke up this morning and you were gone. True, the sun came up but everything seemed different somehow. Colder. I gotta say, I never saw this coming. Sure, you talked about it, but I never thought you were serious. I mean, really, we grew up together. How could you do this to me?
Do you remember that time when we planned yet another fun-filled trip to Michigan? It was my second, maybe third jaunt to GORP as a fully-grown man. I thought the CAO booth was looking a bit, shall we say, boring compared to the two women decked out in pink spandex set up beside me hawking valuable prizes to all comers to the winner of their goldfish game. (What? That’s not what I meant! What women? I’m still a man. I can look, can’t I? I don’t even know their names! You know you are the only girl for me!).
Anyways, I wanted to spice things up a bit. (Wait! That’s not what I meant! You always do that! Arrrghh!) I was thinking some sort of tabletop hockey game. You were thinking ketchup potato chips, CAO tee shirts and Smarties. In the end, we dazzled them with it all. See how good we are? We can work anything out. We belong together. It’s our destiny!
C’mon Alison. I need you. Our friends need you. You planned all our trips, all of our lectures, all our social events. Without you, our friends are sure to dump me. You see right through me. I’m done without you. You’re my everything! I’ll lose it all. Do you want me to beg? Okay, I’m begging. Please don’t go.
I’m sorry about all the late night conference calls. You know you’ll always be first in my book. It was wrong when I kept you on mute when really you wanted to share your feelings on Direct to Consumer aligners. I know I acted like a Robot whenever the subject of the Consumer Awareness Program came up. I promise to learn everything there is to know about Facebook, Mommy Bloggers and Instagram if you stay. I can change. Really I can. Just give me a second chance.
Still no? Fine. Forget you! I can’t believe you. Is it the budget? I’ll do whatever you want. No. Wait. Sorry. I can’t do that. I’ll do better, I swear. I’ll clean up my reports, make sure I get them in on time. You owe me that much. I can be the man you want me to. Why are you being like this? I know we can get past this bump and make it work.
Okay. Have it your way. Not a problem. I’ll be fine. I’ll find someone else in no time. Don’t even think about it. See! There’s still a Bulletin. And the committees are all there, right where you left them. You can be sure I’ll be checking the website to see that next year’s meeting is all set up, just like always. You know what? I didn’t want to tell you this but someone searched me out last night using Find An Orthodontist. I swiped right and we matched. The consult is already booked for tomorrow. I’m moving on. Don’t you worry about me.
But wait. Alison. You know I love you. And that’s a forever.
Your Jimmy P
P.S. I’m keeping the hockey game!
In all seriousness, on behalf of the entire Board, a HUGE thank you to Ms. Alison Nash for her tremendous support over many years. I know I speak for everyone when I say that I sincerely hope that our paths will cross again someday soon. Best of success in everything Ali. Ed.